The following tips are to help you navigate the online dating world with ease, confidence, skill and poise. By employing basic psychological tactics and strategies, you’ll be sure to attract more men online than you can keep up with. Be sure to bookmark this article and take notes if you need to. Let’s go!
RULES OF THUMB
1. Be authentic. Nobody likes a catfish so be honest about your age and post recent pictures and information. You will almost always fail in online dating if you’re not honest.
2. Have realistic expectations. It’s okay to be picky but understand that every guy won’t be a perfect match nor will you be for them. Know your deal breakers be comfortable with compromise.
3. Don’t allow the bad apples to ruin the bunch. Matching with duds and assholes is going to happen. Just remove and/or block them and carry on.
4. Don’t be afraid of competition. The worst attitude you can take towards dating is having an aversion to competition as a single black woman. After all, other races of women are competing with you for the best men with no shame. Get real about what it is, know that your competition is stiff and play the game to win.
5. Keep your options open. American black men aren’t you’re only option and many of them don’t see you as such either. There are foreign black men, white men, Asian men and so on. Online is the best place to meet a variety of races and ethnicities because there are less barriers that exist in person. Even if you don’t think you’re into dating interracially or connecting with foreigners, keep yourself open to the idea. You just might find a winner.
6. Be available. Going into online dating with a closed mind and a closed heart is a waste of time. If you’re truly not ready for companionship just be alone and do you for a while instead of attempting to court. It will show if you’re hearts not really in it so don’t force it and wait until you’re ready.
7. Beware of scammers. If something looks fishy or too good to be true then it probably is. Beware of men who start of being pushy, dishonest or too secretive. Men who are truly looking for someone have nothing to hide or lie about and have no reason to rush into things.
USERNAME & HEADLINE TIPS
Usernames should be catchy, compelling and unique to your character. Try thinking of two simple words describing your interests or hobbies or use a thesaurus if you need to. Be careful not to choose negative words or words that are overtly sexual or juvenile as you might give off the wrong impression (i.e. “BootyfulGoddess”).
Good username examples:
For the headline, think of this as your personal sales pitch to a potential suitor. A good headline should be short, catchy and relevant to your personality. Be sure not to come up with something cliche so you won’t sound boring (i.e. “Looking for Mr. Right”). Use a famous quote if you can’t think of anything original or unique.
Good headline example:
“We write to taste life twice” (creative/abstract)
“I’m done looking for perfect, I just want something real” (romantic/realist)
“If you are lucky enough to find a weirdo, never let them go” (quirky/humorous)
1. Remember, you are only as good as your worst photo so only put your very best out there. Remember, you’re competing, so if you want to win at this game, you must present only your finest shots.
2. Have at least five pictures, two selfies max. Posting just one picture or all selfies is boring to look at because all of the photos look the same. Display a handful of diverse images to get the most responses.
3. Know that natural hair is an attention grabber and a conversation starter! I can’t tell you how many times my online dating conversation has started with “I love your hair!”. Natural hair is the black woman’s statement piece and it’s truly what makes you stand out from your competition. Use it to your advantage.
4. Avoid posting oddly cropped photos or noticeably photoshopped pictures and pictures with Snapchat filters. Men respond better seeing pictures that have no noticeable filters that cover parts of your face or alter your features. Posting photos like this makes it seem like you’re hiding something or don’t like the way you look. Drop the popular dog-with-the-tongue-out filter for your dating profile – it’s not appropriate.
5. Your first picture should be you and you alone – not pictures of you and other women, not pictures of you and an ex boyfriend or ex husband at your wedding. When looking at your first picture, there should be no question that it’s you in the photo.
6. Make sure there’s a good mix of head shots and body shots. Allowing men to see you from different angles and in different clothes gives them a better idea of who you are and what you look like in person. Dress up in some pics and dress down in others Hiding your body in every picture also makes you look less confident about your figure. Go full length and you’ll attract a guy that likes your body type.
7. Strike a pose! Feminine smiles and poses statistically get the most attention from men in online dating. Be sure not to frown, smile with teeth, make eye contact in some photos and look away in others. Studies also show that women wearing red get the most attention so think about rocking red in your main photo to catch his eye.
8. Leave something to the imagination. If you’re not looking for hookups only then don’t present yourself as the hookup girl. Too many butt shots and cleavage shots will always attract overtly sexual men. A little tease is fine but save the full exposure pics for an actual relationship – make him work for those.
9. Get a male opinion or second opinion on your photos – sometimes others see you better than you see yourself.
PROFILE DESCRIPTION TIPS
1. Let them know you’re options are open. As a black woman it’s important to let other races/ethnicities know that you are interested. Sometimes intimidation can happen even online so let them know that you’re open minded by putting “open to all races/ethnicities” in your description.
2. Leave profile “bait” for the reader. Giving men an “in” within your description makes it easier for them to start up a conversation with you. Good bait starts with you describing your interest then following it up with a question or a task. Example: “Horror movies are my favorite, ask me if I’ve seen your favorite.”
3. Be detailed – make a list. Lists are straight to the point and easy to read. Find an interesting, creative way to list your interests and desires. Make sure your list is not too lengthy so you can save some of the details for conversation.
4. Be confident with your language. Stay away from words like “hope” and “wish” when describing what you want. Also do not mention if you’ve had bad luck with online dating. Instead of saying “I hope to find my soulmate” say, “A soulmate is the only mate for me”. Being confident gives off a strong message that says you will not settle for less and that you know your worth. This is extremely important for black women in particular because some people expect us to be self loathing. Even if you have to fake it until you make it, exude self love on your dating profile.
5. Avoid being cliche. Find a witty, humorous or intellectual way to describe yourself. Be a little bit weird and share something unique about yourself. Be open about your passion. Tell a story if you want. Remember, there’s only one you so don’t be too vague, get specific about who you are and stand out from the crowd.
6. Be multifaceted. Show different sides of yourself in your profile. If you’re both romantic and funny, tell a joke and end with a romantic quote. If you’re into football but still love operas, then express that. Showing that you’re a well-rounded woman will always be appealing to a potential suitor.
7. Avoid listing ALL if your deal breakers. Putting “no hook ups” in your profile is cool but leave it at that. Listing everything that you do not like comes off as negative and whiny. Save it for later.
8. Don’t lead with your education. Black women in particular love wearing their degrees not understanding that it doesn’t do much for men in terms of desirability. Being proud of your accomplishments is one thing but making that your selling point as a partner is another. Most quality men don’t need your accomplishments because they have their own. Lead with your femininity, it’s more powerful than you think.
9. Don’t describe yourself that much in your description. Anything that you can show, show it don’t tell. Show that you love to travel through your pictures, show that you’re outgoing by displaying pictures with friends. Anything that you show doesn’t need to be explained in the description and it will always be better than words. Showing that you’re adventurous and living a rich life is always appealing.
10. Leave them wanting more. Don’t dish it all out in your description, leave some cliff hangers. Tease your readers and write just enough to make them want to message you to learn more.