Romantic love is something a majority of women aspire to. Getting married or finding a soulmate is always a goal within the same ranks as becoming a successful business woman or getting a degree. I think love is a beautiful thing, all types of love. Platonic, familial, romantic, etc. But I’ve come to see how damaging it is to constantly push and encourage women, especially from young age, to aspire to love so strongly. It teaches women and young girls that love is the end all be all, when it’s not as important as we make it out to be. That if you don’t find that one true love in this lifetime then you’re incomplete and something significant is missing. It sends an unhealthy message to women and girls. There’s a reason why some of the most successful women are questioned when they’re single and/or don’t have kids; those are the types of women who don’t prioritize love and are okay with being alone. Finding love has become an expectation for all of us and it’s unfair.
You could be a woman who’s reached all of her goals and shattering the glass ceiling when it comes to expectations of herself, and you may still feel a pang of disappointment because you feel as though something is missing since you’re a single woman. Why? Because society has made it a focal point for women to find love while never encouraging men to do the same. We put in so much effort to find The One, put ourselves through so much unnecessary hurt and drama to weed out the bad men to get to the one guy who may or may not be the one for you. There are plenty of people who still believe a woman’s sole purpose on this earth is to birth children and be a wife but it’s 2018 and we really need to stop pushing that narrative onto all women.
There’s a plethora of reasons as to why a woman may be single. She may not be willing to date anyone that doesn’t meet her standards, which is fair. She may enjoy her time and alone and simply doesn’t want to be with anyone. Maybe she just doesn’t have good luck on the dating scene. At the end of the day though, the reason doesn’t matter because it’s her life and whether she has a man or not shouldn’t be as important as people make it out to be. Singledom is something that’s looked at as a death sentence for women, a sign that something is wrong with us. Why does something have to be inherently wrong with me because I don’t have a man? People assume a woman is undesirable simply because she’s alone, which says a lot. You assume a woman is alone because men don’t want her, rather than the other way around, thus stripping her of any agency for herself and her lifestyle.
Being single can be a deliberate choice too, just as much as dating to marry is a deliberate choice. Why has it become so wrong for women to enjoy our solitude and the lives we’ve built for ourselves?